I have long felt that if I'm surprised about the outcome of a situation or about someone's behavior, the answer can almost always be traced back to a differing of expectations. Often times these are situations in which I made assumptions or had initial preconceived notions the magnitude of which I was unaware. Though understanding them post-mortem doesn't change the outcome of the initial situation it does (in theory) help to make me more prepared for future situations.
Yesterday, AK provided another dimension to the role of expectations that fits in with my 2010 theme. She commented that a person is reponsible for their own expectations. For example, if I continually go to the butcher for new tires because I expect that they will service my car, I am responsible for that expectation and the accompanying disappointment. Of course our conversation was not talking about anything quite as black and white. When you apply this theory to relationships things become significantly more complex. When do you cross the line from taking responsibility for what a person (friend, relative, colleague) is unable to provide to you and letting that same person off with carrying less than their share of your relationship? It would seem also that this more active approach to managing relationships would call for a more constant reprioritizing and possibly even sunsetting of the people in our lives. Perhaps I'm over thinking this and it has always been this way and I've just been floating around blissfully unaware! One thing is for certain - I'm certainly tuned in to it now.
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Whoa. This is deep. In that good, "Holy crap I gotta pay attention" kinda way.
ReplyDeleteI blogged my comments: check it out
http://mybeachtent.com/2010/01/04/a-response-to-tomballery/
Ahh,to be cited in the blissfully aware postings of my brilliant and oft times simultaneously comedic while serious-as-a-heart-attack tomballing Kristine. Thank you for the honor of blogging on my comment. Allow me to post a comment.
ReplyDeleteYou wonder if you are over thinking. I don't know the answer to that. But I can say that, in regards to myself and my frequent habit of going to the butcher and expecting new tires, I firmly attribute that frustrating habit to my over active thinker and it's tendency to get me into jams.
You see, the butcher is a burly guy, and good with his hands. He is no dummy, having learned all that anatomy and knife wielding. So it is completely reasonable to expect that he know not only how to change my tires but what kind of tires I need. And he should have no trouble finding said tires for me, since I am a simple driver and don't have any "high fah-luten" tire needs. SO...what's the big deal? I said I would pay him to change my tires, and my money's good whether its for meat or Firestones...
To me it all translates to what I want at the end of my day. And that is simple, it is sanity. And the best thinking (a.k.a. negotiating meaning) of my life has only gotten me a whole lot of the opposite of that. Which can best be described as agitation, resentment, unhappiness, shame and fear, an over developed sense of responsibility and a whole lot of my favorite "paralysis by analysis".
I choose sanity instead of that. And, in my best approximation, the way to go about that is to be still and mindful of what is being offered and to appreciate it for what it is. I want peace, contentment, happiness, composure, self-acceptance and I want to be able to enjoy others. I am not able to do that when I am focused on how my needs or wants were not met.
I am sure there is a good reason why the butcher will not change my tires for me. I cannot for the life of me figure of WHY! Damn it. But I accept that and so I will take my car down the road but first I am going to order a nice pork loin.
P.S. Love the blog!!
ReplyDeleteTry link now!
ReplyDeletehttp://mybeachtent.com/2010/01/04/a-response-to-tomballery/